Why Are Women Insecure?

Why are women insecure?

Chances are you have slammed against a wall of insecurity a time or two. The sinking thought of, I’m not enough. There are many reasons we could feel insecure as women. But we don’t have to stay there, we can pass through and not get stuck. 

The list of why we feel insecure can be long.

From major reasons to minor ones.The comparison trap of measuring ourselves by ourselves isn’t wise. ( 2 Corinthians 10:12) 

I have a  friend that would always ask me, if we were ok? I was always perplexed about why she would ask me this continually.

She was  fearful that I was upset with her. My busyness in life translated to her as rejection. She felt as if we drifted apart because I was busy with work and taking care of my family.

Even after multiple conversations of how I loved her as my friend, she battled  insecurity in our relationship. She lacked confidence in my words because she battled insecurity and rejection..

 I understood because, I grew up in some dysfunction which caused some instability in my foundation. I understood how it affects our lives as women. Instability can create a lot of insecurity.

Not realizing the impact of insecurity until later in life, I experienced the effects of serious bondage. Embracing God’s promises seemed foreign and overwhelming to my under nourished soul.

Insecurity was keeping me from God’s best. We often experience the fruit in some way before we can identify the root from where it originated.

Sometimes, we minimize the impact of our foundation as children. It begs the question: Nurture or nature as we start reflecting on why and how we get stuck at times. 

It can be both. But God intervenes. He comes down and says, “Rise higher. I want to help you grow and develop in a new identity, the one I created for you.”

Choosing day by day to renew our mind and agree with God’s word He begins to transform the way we think and what we say about ourselves.

We crave love and security and when we aren’t settled in God’s love we become driven by the need to get it, even in an illegitimate way

Signs of Insecurity in a Woman

Here are some signs of insecurity in a woman: 

  • Fear of criticism
  • Rejection
  • Withdrawal
  • Jealousy
  • Perfectionism
  • Driven
  • Desperate for affirmation or attention
  • Sexual promiscuity
  • Revealing clothing
  • Gossiping
  • Argumentative/needing to be right
  • Overbuying for others to get love
  • Over-apologizing
  • Over-talking
  • Overcompensating

Ask me how I know? Girl: I have rode that shame train more times than I want to admit. Reminding myself, who I am every time that bus stops at my door.

It’s flashing stop sign  waiting for me to climb aboard. I crack open my door, mumble to myself, Not today satan. I stick my arm out and wave them on. Good riddance.

Recognizing when the bus stops at our door is half the battle. Don’t even get on. 

Remind yourself when a cheap bus stops by your house. The devil is attempting to take you back to an old mindset.

God has something fresh for us if we will leave the old behind. Remind yourself his ways are higher and always better.

Unfortunately, if we don’t investigate what is causing our internal wiring, then we end up with an inferiority complex.  This can lead to being paranoid in relationships and fragile.

 God wants us to feel confidently loved and secure.

What does the Bible say about Insecurity?

Let’s assume in a perfect world, we believe what the Bible tells us and we walk according to what scripture says about our identity.

We all want this. I rarely meet a person who would argue outwardly about God loving us and having a good plan for us but inwardly, they doubt.

 God’s love doesn’t feel secure  often because of past pain. 

Wrong images of God and ourselves cause to see God through a broken lens. Sometimes, we only see God through our brokenness painting an inaccurate picture of Him.

Where it gets sketchy for women is when we read things like, You are fearfully and wonderfully made. You are a queen in my eyes just like Esther was in the Bible.

Scripture describes you as a Royal heir. An ambassador. A priest unto God. A chosen person. A Royal diadem. A jewel. His delight. The apple of His eye. We read it but struggle accepting it and integrating it in our heart. 

This is universal for the bible study girl who is devout to the one who got saved and is battling a colored past of drug addiction. 

Insecurity creeps up when the insecurity of a young woman’s past sexual promiscuity pops into her head again.

God says, you are valuable and worthy to bear my identity. No matter what your present battle is or your past battle of insecurity. I call you worthy.

The gentle still small voice of The Holy Spirit  says, “You are worthy of the gifts I have deposited in you.”

When we have a troubled past it’s difficult to see the potential of our future. We can see it for the girl who doesn’t feel ashamed or troubled by her past.

Often, sexual promiscuity is fueled by the insatiable need for love. Let’s look at a woman with a past who God used so intentionally that He refused to change her name or clean things up. Rahab.

I have had my issues with why God didn’t change it. It wasn’t a misprint in the bible. God chooses people that have broken and cracked lives to display His glory and reveal himself through them.

She is noted in Hebrews chapter 11, The Bibles hall of faith as, “Rahab, the Harlot.” Prostitution was the profession of Rahab.

God used her past to shape her future. He wastes nothing in our lives. He will take that mess and turn it into a strategic message. 

Rahab was a survivor. She turned tricks, so let’s not clean it up. She needed strategy to survive, fast forward and God used her street smarts to save the spies, not only that. She married one of the Godly spies.

Even the lineage of Jesus came through Rahab. A prostitute. God has a sense of humor huh? He redeems us from our broken condition and uses our past for our future. Straighten your crown beautiful girl.

He gives us a name change internally even if others only remember our past or what they heard from others. 

How to Deal with insecurity

Ruthlessly: The longer it stays, the slower our progress. Trustworthy friends in life help you let down your emotional guards. 

They champion around you, because no friend wants to see another friend get stuck in insecurity cycles. They deplete us and strip us of our true identity.

Renewing our mind is vital:

Do not be conformed to this world (this age) (fashioned after and adapted to it’s external superficial customs), but be transformed (changed) by the (entire) renewal of your mind { by it’s new ideals and it’s new attitude}, so that you may prove {for yourselves} what is the good and acceptable and the perfect will of God. Even the thing which is good and acceptable and perfect ( in his sight for you.}

Romans 12:2- (Amplified)

The discovery Bible describes renew like this :

 365 ananeóō (from 303 /aná, “up, completing a process,” which intensifies 3501/néos, “recent, new”) – properly, going up to a higher stage (level of sanctification) by God’s power; divinely renewed.

God calls us up higher. We no longer have to serve God from a broken identity. We are a new creature. The old has passed away, the new has come.

 Lift up your eyes to the one who created you and crowned you with glory.

We all want this. Everyone is screaming Hallelujah right now, the amen corner is standing with their Bibles lifted to the heavens.

Nodding their heads yes, as they holler, Say that. But, we leave the church house and have a test and we find ourselves on that old track of insecurity again.

We have to choose to remind ourselves by renewing the right mental track in our thoughts. Meditating on who He says we are.

 Shredding an old mindset we believe through a wrong identity and  lies. We must choose not only what we think but how we think.

Meditating on the wrong things not only affects our self esteem but also teaches us to worry.

Meditating on what God says about us and his promises  for us releases joy and happiness into our lives.

Have you ever seen a person bound by depression who is fixated on how good God is?  Me either. 

I have however passed through places  consumed with disappointment and concern.

Meditating on the problems never releases the provision for us. They get us stuck thinking negative thoughts and welcoming fear into our lives.

How to make an insecure woman feel secure?

Tell her what God says about her. Remind her who she is. No where in history did God take the time to make something worthless or invaluable. 

Encourage her heart, acknowledge her gifts, cheer her on to do great things. Do it afraid,  even terrified if necessary..

I like how Alli Worthington says it in her book, Standing Strong: He has crowned women with His glory. 

You weren’t an afterthought with God. 

He created us last not because we are less than but because we are the finishing touch.

It doesn’t matter what the past says about you if  knowing  your future is handcrafted by God.

Changing your self image by replacing it with a Godly  image will create a foundation of confidence and security. 

You can start kissing insecurity goodbye and good riddance as you settle deep into who He says you are.

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