It all started when she was 6. When she did well she was applauded. Applause is harmless enough. It’s encouraging when you have done well, however, not so great if the applause
means acceptance. No applause. no acceptance. Acceptance meant approval and since she didn’t have a strong sense of identity she needed to be accepted.
The temptation to please is ingrained in us as children. When we experience acceptance we feel connected, a part of something… something that welcomes me and celebrates me. I was never athletically inclined, more the social type but I can remember being “picked” for a team (usually one of the last since I was more interested in fun than winning)
To be selected meant you were “chosen” you were welcomed based on your merits and talents. Every time your team won it was Jubilee. You felt good because of your part and contribution to the team. Your contribution satisfied you and others celebrated you because you were good and performed well! These are magical moments when you’re ahead, on top, knocking it out of the park! But what happens when you’re not? Not only are you not on top but what about when you’re under the pile? Waving a white flag? Not even getting a hit let alone knocking em out of the park.
Enter Kate. Kate was a natural on stage so it only made sense that she would start acting at a young age. Left and Right doors opened as she started her career. She was a prodigy. She was rapidly bypassing older actors and actresses for lead roles. She won awards and the accolades of many. Something deep inside seemed amiss. She couldn’t put her finger on it but as time clicked along she was not the bright star she once was, nor did she care to be. She craved normal. She wanted love, real love, the kind that makes you feel like you’re the only one that matters. She mattered on stage and in roles but not in real life. Not in real relationships. She was ready… ready to forsake all of that for whatever “this” was suppose to be. Her identity became wrapped up in her role not in who she was designed to be in life. Kate. Just Kate, not Kate the actress, not Kate who won the Oscar, just Kate.
The applause based on your performance shapes your identity, likewise, without realizing it, the withdrawal of acceptance begins to deteriorate and erode your self worth. What once was acceptance by a group now becomes rejection based on their opinion and approval of what you do and how you do it. It wasn’t until the rejection of man came that the awareness of “their” acceptance became so important.
Approval to a pleaser is like crack to an addict. Where there once was a time that it made you feel good now it seems as if you need it to survive. This never was or will be God’s best for us. These “need meters” can easily begin to enslave us. Once they enslave us we are brought into bondage.
Underneath this insatiable need for approval is the search for unconditional love and to know who we are. The Love we yearn for is based on our existence not on our performance.
Just look at how Paul puts it in Ephesians 1:6:
To the praise of His Glory of his grace by which he made us “accepted” in the Beloved.
He made us accepted. Not only are we accepted but we are raised up to a new position of ruling in our lives instead of existing.
Ephesians 2:5-6 states:acc
even when we were dead in trespasses, he made us alive together with Christ and raised us up together and made us sit together in heavenly places in Christ.
When we were incapable of doing anything to redeem ourselves, God sent Jesus to make us alive and raise us up to a position of Authority no longer under the elements of the world, now we are raised up to rule, raised up to rest…. rest in God, rest in his acceptance, rest in his ruling, rest in who he says we are and what he has done in us.
Being horribly insecure with who I was thrust me into a position of being a pleaser. I would sacrifice whatever I needed even if I really wanted it because I didn’t want to upset what everyone else wanted. Being the middle child I never really minded yielding to the needs of siblings or other people for that matter, it just wasn’t a big deal to me. I was a kind of go with the flow type person. A peace maker by nature.
I realized being a peace maker doesn’t mean appeasing everyone all the time. In fact, it frequently means they tend to disrupt the natural order of things in order to establish peace. Jesus did this on a regular basis. He often interrupted the order of things and systems. His order of establishing peace disrupted the natural order of a lot of things. This unnerved people at times. especially the Pharisees and Saducees. They loved rules more than God. They were more preoccupied with external things rather than internal things of a persons heart.
Change isn’t the most popular thing with control freaks. Have you ever tried to “help” a controlling person? Have you ever been part of a team and that one person is contrary to every single change that is implemented? If it isn’t what they want they pout or make everyone else miserable. The test is… Will you face the Goliath or will you keep wishing it away or praying it away? David ran to Goliath… Esther faced Haman and continued going to the King… Shadrach, Meshach and Abendego still wouldn’t bow to the King… Jacob’s love for Rachel compelled him to work another 7 years to have her as his wife. He refused to allow Laban to intimidate him.
Psalm118-5-8
v5) I called on The Lord in distress; The Lord answered me and set me in a broad place.
TheLord will always deliver us and bring us out into a spacious place!
v6) The Lord is on my side; I will not fear. What can man do to me?
You and God are the majority!
v7) The Lord is for me among those who help me; therefore I shall see my desire on those who hate me.
Vengeance is mine saith The Lord… trust in God’s timing and justice.
v8) It is better to trust in The Lord than it is to put your confidence in man.
The temptation to look to man in different seasons will come to you…. trust God with all things. Well meaning people are human and will disappoint.
v9) It is better to put your trust in The Lord than to put your trust in Princes.
Girls always want a Prince…don’t forget that Prince was once a frog so on his worst day he will revert back to frog-like qualities because he has flesh. Its tempting to look to those in high positions like a Prince. No man, no government can do what only God can do. God is our refuge and stronghold… our ever present help in times of trouble. We can trust in a prince but it’s better to trust in The Lord. He is in fact called our prince of peace.