I remember like it was yesterday looking at that home pregnancy test and it saying” positive”. How ecstatic I was thinking about being a mom.
I wasn’t one of those who loved “being pregnant” although I did love the waves of love and life within my belly. After all, I was growing a baby! There was nothing that could prepare me for the overwhelming feeling of love when I laid eyes on that precious baby girl.
Struck with love I wondered what she would be like, how her personality would be and hopefully, she would be as crazy about me as I was her. Turned out to my surprise, she also was mesmerized by me. This I thought was “Bliss”.
God saw fit to bless me 3 years later with another sweet girl. Because, I am one that loves surprises, typical free spirit here. Since You don’t have that many real surprises in life I decided to be surprised about the gender of my children. Not wanting to determine the sex I would try and imagine if I was having a boy or girl.
I am very girly so having girls fit me but with my second pregnancy because I carried totally different I had convinced myself that I was having a boy. No Ultrasound told me this only my own mind. When they said it is a girl I was in shock not even having a girls name I was set on. I thought about it and she looked like “Hailey” and so she was my Hailey-bug. Lauren and Hailey my loves, my heartbeats.
If I loved them like I did then how much more is God’s love for all of us. It’s hard to comprehend how awesome that fact truly is.
My world rose and fell on my girls.
Sleepless nights, colic, ear infections, teen drama, none of those minute interruptions could compare to the love I had in my heart for them. I desperately tried to enjoy each stage they went through and not wish it away by focusing on the “ next thing” they would do. Watching who they would become was like a gift being unwrapped to discover what was inside of them.
So unique, so different were my girls. They both had giftings from God that were to reflect his nature. They would start coming into their own in their teenage years. This was tough because my voice had been their voice and they began to pull away discovering their voice. This challenged my identity because after all, they were a reflection of me.
Enter pride. This was tough, especially when it was time to start letting go knowing that God had them. Reminding myself, they have God but needing to realize more that God had them.
Big difference here moms, it’s not that they have
God but God has them, in every choice, the good ones
and the bad ones. That as they grow, they are meant to “Go”.
If we allow our fear to control them it will hinder them from making choices that will teach them life lessons. Set them up for success but give them the opportunity to “fail forward”. Be a soft place for them to land. A soft place isn’t necessarily a “yes” place for all of their choices but it is a place where you are there to comfort them and your voice still carries weight with them. Your voice will always carry more weight than your fear through control.
You have to trust that your words and
influence has laid a solid foundation.
They can build on this foundation in their adult years. They will choose wrong because they are human, but they will also choose right because God will guide them. They will learn Grace because they will see that they need it.
I sit and wish that I had socks to pick up, school books to move off the table, cookies to bake for school. Youth trips to run them to again. It is quiet now, except when the grands are all here. I think of their lives as adults. They have their own lives, they see me as their mom but also now their friend. They want advice from me and ask for it. They still love mama’s cooking and I can always lure them in with fried chicken.
I still dream about what else will unfold in their lives, what will they become now that they are into their twenties. Mostly, I pray that a deep love for God dwells in their heart and they fulfill every good thing He has for them.
I wonder whose lives they will influence? I trust God has heard every prayer prayed over them. Even the ones that seem unanswered. I trust they take a part of me wherever they go. This makes me smile because it is so bittersweet when I think that I use to take them everywhere I went and yet I still do in my heart. Like God says about us, “they are always with me”. I think this about my girls now as young women.
My grandson Jackson learned a song in preschool and He sang it to me.
And this is what I could live for. The purity and sweetness of this love. God is so good to us all the time and all the time He is so good.
Cherish the moments while they are home because one day those little baby birds grow, sprout their wings and fly out of their nest to go make their own.
Have you experienced an empty nest?
How did you deal with the emotional challenges?
Leave a comment below and let us know.