She sat on the park bench watching the wind whip through the trees. Branches waving back and forth made her think about the waves of turbulence in her own life. Lately, the crashing emotional and spiritual waves arrested her attention.
Battling thoughts to run or stay. The temptation to run away was strong, almost overcoming; it seemed to match this season of her life.
She purposely started counting the ways God loved her. When she thought of his love, it was like healing oil poured into her heart.
Kayla was trying to be intentional but the rejection at work was working hard to keep her down.
She had given them her trust. Rejected and hurting, she wishes she could take back her heart, take back her naive approach to life.
She felt excommunicated at work when she did what was right. She refused to lie and it affected all of her friends at work. Kayla was crushed. They blamed her because their pockets weren’t lined anymore.
Every time the document slid across her desk with the wrong figures she knew it wasn’t right and refused to lie.
God wrestled with her about speaking up about the wrong numbers. She knew it would cost her.
She could have compromised but having peace with God mattered the most. She didn’t realize how deep the rejection from co-workers would go. These were her friends.
Consequences of Obedience
She became the outcast because she obeyed God. Trusting anyone was tough for Kayla. Maybe it was her upbringing, friends mattered because her family was fickle and usually nowhere to be found.
Now, her friends and coworkers have cast her aside. She knew God was close but He felt distant.
Kayla thought about how alone she felt, how much she cared about the friends who have now discarded the relationship with her.
Choosing to let them in, she dropped her guard. How could they? I trusted them with my heart. My vulnerable spots.
As she sat there, her mind lingered back to conversations. She felt the sting of bitterness but brushed it away.
She had given what was valuable, trust. The one thing you can’t put a price on. The foundation of relationships and friendships.
She stopped herself from continuing to think about what happened. Directing her thoughts to better things, good things. But, the gnawing was still there. The ache in her heart had turned to heartbreak.
With children running and playing in the park she felt a question rise within her. Remember when you were that carefree?
The only thing you were concerned with was playing? Being lost in fun.
She thought back to carefree days. Instead of feeling lost in fun, these days, she felt lost in life.
Is This A Familiar Place?
Have you ever been in a place like this? I sure have friends. But God’s faithfulness never left. He never dropped me off at the corner, saying, “See ya later.” Only to decide I wasn’t worth the effort or time.
He came running in when everyone else ran away. This is our God. This is what God wants to do for Kayla, for you and me.
Maybe today, your heart is heavy. Jaded and jilted. Through glassy tear-filled eyes, you want to believe, but whatever the reason, struggle keeps you tied up and some days tied down.
You love God but doubt His deep love for you. So many promised to stay with you, but they left too, now, you question regularly if God is also gonna bail out on you.
With self-doubt leading the way, you assess your life, and the overwhelming fear of being discovered as unloveable is daunting.
The fear is, others might discover more flaws than they can stand and it will make them stamp you, unacceptable. Then the biggest fear of all, unwanted.
The fear of being unwanted is overwhelming.
Underneath the fear are questions flooding your mind, If God sees the real you, maybe He won’t like you either.
Fearing you will never be pulled close, you kick yourself away so you won’t feel thrown away again.
The ache of rejection can feel like the submerging of a drowning soul. When you cry out it seems no one can hear.
A voice so loud but with no sound.
To be disregarded while trying to engage with a person or a group of people feels like you’re kicked to the curb. Or at minimum, in your gut.
It can be the stripping of your self-esteem if your confidence comes from your peers. It also can be one of the best things that ever happened to you.
It might be God’s way of clearing the debris out of your life and separating you for a reason. Separating you, preparing you to be chosen by people who value you and esteem you.
Jesus Experienced Rejection Too
Jesus was despised and rejected by all men. The same ones singing His praise one day were yelling crucify him the next. Men ridiculed and taunted him. Accused him of things He didn’t do. He held them loosely, He knew what was in man.
He knew in that moment of darkness, God himself chose Him. Favored Him. He wasn’t discarded by His Father.
On the contrary. He rushes in when everyone else turns on their heels and runs. When commitments run thin God reminds you as He pours His on a little thicker. As if it could be any thicker.
He allows us to experience the heavyweight of His love in a more tangible way. Especially when we are experiencing rejection.
I remember going through a time of deep sadness. So much turmoil and pain. I would lay in my bed with tears rolling down my face, feeling alone. A million questions with so few answers.
It seemed as if God was far away. The truth is, He was closer than I could have imagined. I felt His love for me one day in particular.
I was working at the church and my heart was heavy from circumstances and some relationship struggles. Some ladies came in and the two yr old granddaughter of a friend ran up to me, threw her arms around my leg and just kept hugging me.
The waterworks started and I just kept crying because hugs of love do that. It may as well have been Jesus standing right there saying, “You need this, right now.”
This little angel with her arms wrapped around my legs looking up with her big blue eyes had no idea that she was Jesus with skin on.
She hugged and I cried. I knelt down so we could get heart to heart and as I hugged her, I whispered, Thank you Jesus for loving me right now in this moment.
Jesus is there for the Kayla’s in Life
Maybe you feel like Kayla, or maybe you feel like I did the day I was in the church working.
God is bigger than rejection. He is bigger than disappointment swallowing you whole. He can open up your heart again. He can help you trust again.
You will never walk alone. His promise remains. Never leaving us and never forsaking us is still true today and every day..
Lord, help us to see you when we feel like everyone else has left and we feel alone. Help us to grow in your grace through the trials we face, knowing by your strength we will overcome. Thank you for loving us continually Lord and helping us see ourselves through your eyes.